Farewell, Sarah

Kevin and I settled in last night to watch Sarah Palin's Farewell Address from Fairbanks, Alaska. It has been 10 months since she first graced us with her appearance on the national stage as John McCain's running mate. And she had a nice run of it. She brought more attention to Alaska and the inner workings of her government then she knew what to do with, and had a mastery of foreign and domestic policy that left something to be desired. But, God is she hot. I mean, look at that picture. She's a fox who hunts moose. The words that come out of her mouth might not be smart, but I'll be damned if their not pretty. She's every Republican man's fantasy personified.

Last night's address was an interesting recipe of Alaska state politics with a dash of rhetorical chiding for the national media and their inability to understand her. Why can't you see how brilliant I am, she cried before an adoring crowd. She played the valiant martyr willing to crucify her governorship so that she and her followers might achieve greater glory in post-Palin Alaska. She has other sheep in other pastures, as it were.

While she is talking, you almost get lost in what she's saying. She's breaking up with you, but it's not you, it's her. She was not ready for a relationship. You're a great guy, Alaska, and you'll meet someone else someday. She's gotta go to save you from how rich and famous she's about to become. Now that she's not tied down with you, she'll have so much more time to find herself. And you know she's right; it has gotten tiresome dating the most popular cheerleader at school.

I thought it would be fitting to leave you with some memorable quotes that Sarah has left us with in her brief time in the public eye. Sarah, we know you ain't goin' away, gurl...but here's your tribute for life in public office.

-"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border."- Sept 24, 2008

-"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." -October 5, 2008

--"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?"- July 2008, short months before excepting the VP spot on the Republican ticket.

-"[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." - October 21, 2008, incorrectly answering the question she herself had asked a few months prior.

-"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't." -Palin's response to a City Council Member who complained that she was outside her authority to spend $50,000 renovating the mayoral office.

-"I don't know if you're going to use the word 'terrorist' there." - October 23, 2008, when she was asked if those that bomb abortion clinics are terrorists.

-"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ...We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." -October 16, 2008

-"I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also."-explaining to us all why she would not be answering the questions at the vice presidential debate, October 2, 2008

Sarah, you have a way of leaving us perplexed. Certainly not politics-as-usual. We can only assume that Sarah will be rearing her head at Republican fundraiser dinners and co-hosting a show with Oprah Winfrey next time we she her. She's a fierce diva that deserves more than the governor's mansion can offer her. I can only hope they call the show "Paling around with Palin."

Sarah, you will be missed as an elected public official. It's not nearly as fun when some crazy Fox News host says these things. Your command of language was so Bushian, and your beauty was that of a thousand Carrie Prejean's.