Craig and His List

I love Craigslist. You can buy everything on Craigslist, and you can sell the same shit back to people. Its like going to the flea market in your underwear, or completely naked if you like. Or while pooping, as Sarah Silverman does.

My dear friend Katie recently had a brilliant idea that some art student should really take up as their Master's Thesis: build an entire house and furnish the inside of it with stuff that you collect from the "free" section of the website. Just today I found bricks, cinder blocks, wood from someone's recent fence replacement, a microwave, a toilet and bathroom sink, dry wall with slight water damage (no biggie), and a cat scratching post...all for free. Come pick the shit up and it's yours. I imagine that it would not take you very long to collect all the amenities needed to build a complete house. Febreeze the rugs and the couches and you are good to go.

I could not imagine moving across the country without Craigslist. The house that I sublet in the first month I was in Seattle I found on Craigslist. It turned out to be a great little room for cheap in an area of town that I am so thankful that I now longer live it. It wasn't a bad part of town, just a little heavy on the frat parties.

I met my current roommate, Rachel, on Craigslist when I posted an ad regarding my need for housing for the three of us beginning in September. She responded to the ad and the rest is history. I now have a new friend whom I have very much enjoyed coming into my life, and I get to live in a house that is larger than my parent's house in a wonderful neighborhood. Thanks Craigslist!

However, Craigslist is also a microcosm of the universe. A mini online representation of the world around us. The best thing about Craigslist, and the place where this is most apparent, is the "relationship" section. It is the perfect example of the difference between men and women, and the difference between heteros and homos when it comes to want they want from a relationship sparked from Craigslist at 2 in the morning. If you are ever curious about how disgusting some gay men can be, go on the men seeking men section of the website. Be aware that you are about to wander into unfamiliar territory. It is absolutely astounding how many men will just post a picture of their penis, flaccid or erect, with a tag line like "need a hot bottom to suck me dry." Watch the fuck out!

Only a small minority of men have a good looking penis. And these are not the men posting pictures of their penis on Craigslist. Most do not have the type of member that would ever be molded into marble to grace the walls of a European Cathedral. They are curvy, or stumpy, or too pink, or shaped funny, or...well, you get the idea. However, the world is full of people that will take their camera phone, snap a quick shot of their cock with a circumcision job done by a drunk rabbi, and post it online for the world to see.

The men seeking women do not do this. They simply do not. Perhaps they know that a woman does not want to know what their penis looks like before they know what their face looks like. You will not find a single post in the hetero section that even closely resembles what 95% of the ads in the homo section look like. Straights use Craigslist to potentially meet a long term partner that shares similar interests. The gays on Craigslist just need you to have a mouth and painfully low standards. It's embarrassing, and I am ashamed to be lumped in with them even if the comparison is in kind and not degree.

My favorite part of Craigslist is the missed connections. "Saw you today at the Starbucks on 4th and Pine. We exchanged glances a few times and I wanted to talk to you, but you were on your phone with a family member. If you see this ad, I would like to take you out for coffee sometime. My treat. You: a beautiful dark skinned beauty wearing a muscle tee. Me: a olive skinned Mediterranean in casual business attire. Tell me the color shirt I was wearing and consider it a date." I always wonder if serendipity ever brings these two people together again.

I want a missed connection...bad. I check missed connections every couple of days just to see. I also find that I make eye contact with perfect strangers I think are hot just to see if it will lead to my first missed connection on Craigslist. When I get one, I will be sure to let everyone know about it, and part of my life will be complete. Now, I don't even need my missed connection to go anywhere. In fact, a person that would write a missed connection is probably at a level of desperation that I am not willing to let into my life, but still. I want one.

Craigslist is a wonderful thing. It's a classified for life. Anything you need can be found there. You can spend hours finding your new roommate, buying a car, getting a job, building a free house, selling your stuff, or looking at penises. What did we ever do without it?

In other news, I made the commitment after my "Conventional Sex" entry not to blog about politics again until after the election. I am going to keep my word but I want you all to know that it is fucking killing me. Sarah Palin is crazy as shit and I can't unleash. The economy is in shambles, and the McCain campaign actual said with a straight face today that Obama is in bed with terrorists. So, I am paying attention, and I have a lot of witty and informed opinions about it, but I am going to practice abstinence. It's safer. I am so ready for Nov 4th to get here.