The Beginning of the End

I’ve been thinking a lot about Christianity recently. Fortunately, it’s not something that I allow to consume my thoughts too often, but I believe this last bout of mental noise started when I saw Mark Driscoll at the grocery store. He is the pastor of Seattle’s only megachurch and has made quite a name for himself in Christian circles due to his compulsion for posting his sermons on youtube. He and his church go to great lengths to appear “hip” and culturally relevant, but largely amount to dressing up an age old message with torn jeans and thick leather bracelets.

Technically he’s a Calvinist: believes in predestination and has a literal interpretation of the Bible, much like the church I grew up in. I am familiar with the talking points and the apologetics surrounding the more difficult to digest parts of the Bible. I was an Evangelical missionary for a number of years and got my kicks by trying to convert Hindus in India to Christianity.

Seeing him at the store prompted me to search some of his sermons online, just to see what this Seattle pastor has to say about living in one of the gayest and unchurched communities in the country. His church, Mars Hill, is packaged for a younger generation and is full of my cohorts. Each week thousands of them funnel into the nine campuses across the city (and one in Albuquerque, NM) to hear Driscoll preach via satellite feed from the Ballard campus. He enjoys railing against sexual immorality, which includes almost everything except the way that he has sex (with his wife of many years). These aren’t his opinions, he’s always quick to point out, but rather those of God, chapter and verse included. Other Christian leaders, such as Joel Osteen in Houston, TX, often find themselves in the cross hairs of Driscoll sermons, accused of preaching a false gospel that emphasizes health and wealth over sin and redemption.

He opens his lectures up to a question and answer session each week which oftentimes leads to a discussion on the topic of homosexuality. Is it a sin? How should I treat my gay friend? How do I lead them to the Lord? Typical dilemmas for the 21st century Christan. These dilemmas exist because society is slowly changing it’s opinion about the gay, and Christians are finding it harder to simply tow the party line on the issue. Gays and lesbians have a “friend” in the White House now, as opposed to previous years, and are looking to achieve significant civil rights over the next several election cycles. This worries people like Driscoll and indicates to him that our society is rife with immorality and set against God's purposes.

Many Christians tell me, “not all Christians are like that. I’m not like that.” Well, maybe you should be, is usually my response. I mean, the Bible does seem to indicate that it's a sin and at odds with the male/female relationship that St. Paul uses as a metaphor to describe Christ and his church. And if you have a problem with your God hating homosexuals, maybe it is an opportunity for you to really evaluate what it is you believe about the divine and whether those beliefs make any logical sense. It’s a scary proposition, losing everything you thought was true about yourself and the world around you, but one that offers great rewards.

Being gay, something that I wasted years of my life on trying to fix, was ultimately the window that opened up for me to be able to step out of the delusion the church was selling me. The delusion that there is this God out there that has opinions about a variety of social issues. That delusion that human beings are not the product of millions of years of biological evolution on the planet, or that sexual variation within our species is somehow ‘unnatural.’ Those Christians that say they aren’t “like that” or don’t “believe those things” are walking the proverbial fence because they are too afraid to contemplate what it would mean if their God wasn’t real. It is they who extend validity to characters like Mark Driscoll with their silence as their friends suffer under the pressure of such a belief system.

I wonder sometimes if this fight over gay civil rights, and more basically gay peoples right to exist in the world at all, will be a catalyst (among other catalysts) that offers more and more the ability to step outside this delusion of God and sin and redemption, etc. It is a story that has evolved over time and has enjoyed centuries of unchallenged hegemony. But, if creation is to be a reflection of the divine force of the universe, then God is at least a little bit gay. This is one of the places where the narrative begins to unravel, and the grub worms that have enjoyed generations under the cool, damp rock are exposed to disinfecting sunlight for the first time. As the Jerry Falwell’s and Pat Robertson’s of the world die off and people like Mark Driscoll and Rick Warren scamper to fill their shoes with a slightly revised version of the same old shit, who is going to stand up and say “No thanks, not for me.” Windows abound to offer freedom from this archaic belief system, and you don’t have to live your life on the fence, not being “that kind of Christian.”

Ultimately Christianity, along with everything else around us, is certainly set to go the way of the dinosaurs and from this lens isn’t all that consequential. In the meantime, there is a better way entirely, and Mark Driscoll, buying eggs and milk with his wife in aisle three at Safeway, isn’t offering it to you.

The Ex Gays And Their Ministry

Let’s talk a little bit about ex-gay ministries, shall we? They have undergone an reformation recently, as they scamper to appear more tolerant during a time when public opinion and science moves away from them.

For those in the church that have never been touched by the issue of homosexuality, either because you are not one or a close friend or family member is not one, this branch of your religion probably goes mostly unnoticed. You may be only vaguely aware that such programs exist through such non-profit arms as Focus on the Family and Exodus International. There are also regional campaigns run by local churches, all with the same stated goal of curing people of “unwanted homosexual desires." It's foundation is propped up on a fundamental untruth.

This untruth, of course, is that people can and should seek to change their sexual orientation. This is simply not the case, and there are plenty of reputable studies to suggest as much. For a person who has not been touched by the issue of homosexuality, it’s an untruth without any consequences. It really doesn’t matter to their life whether a homosexual can become straight through religious therapy. It’s an easy thing to support because it comes at no cost and requires no thought. But for those who have been made to feel inferior by the constant repetition that their sexual orientation is evil, wrong, dirty, and shameful the consequences are great.

Much attention has been paid recently to the suicide of gay teenagers as a result of bullying in school, but this phenomenon is nothing new. For years, anti-gay activists have toted the suicide rates among gay teens as an indication that a “homosexual lifestyle” is innately depressing or damaging to a young person’s psyche. There is something below the belt about using statistics that you helped create to support the lie you are telling to being with. It’s a statement rambled off by ex-gay leaders and consumed by those that don’t really give it much thought. This covers the ex-gay ministries in a shroud of false legitimacy and gives them the appearance of being culturally relevant.

In an effort of reform their image, these gay ministries are no longer advertising toward the parents of a gay teenager promising that he can change but are now marketing themselves as seekers of those that wish to “rid themselves of their homosexual desires.” Their promotional videos interview men that are “thrilled with the results” and “are excited to start their journey to recovery” from their unwanted homosexual desires. Most of these men are middle aged, and have likely been through similar forms of therapy many times in their lives. They have probably spent a lot of emotional and financial resources on this issue and are getting really desperate for a solution. When pressed on the authenticity of their practices, ex-gay groups hide behind the fact that their mission statement specifically states that they help people with unwanted homosexuality. One always wants what he can’t have, or unwants it as the case may be.

My mother asked me a few years back if I had ever contemplated suicide growing up. I could tell through the phone that she was softly crying, having just returned from a funeral for a friend’s teenage son. For many years in her world, and in the world of most conservative Christians, the gay lifestyle is described as a sad, lonely, depressing existence. It’s what they are told from their leadership because the existence of homosexuality as a naturally occurring orientation flies in the face of the some other “truths” the church has regarding marriage and gender roles. It chips away at their authority and the authenticity of their holy book(s). Historically, saying that homosexuality is normal and OK is like suggesting that the earth revolves around the sun, or that celestial objects like the moon are riddled with craters and therefore imperfect. Ex-gay ministries are a modern day extension of religion’s innate difficulty with change. With any luck, soon enough there won’t be any more men reaching middle age in need of their services. And that can be accomplished by just speaking the truth. 

Closing things out...

Hey All,

As I read over this blog, I realize that it represents a time and place in my life that I no longer feel accurately reflects who I am. As I glace back over this blog, and realize that it's been almost two years since I started it.

When the blog was started I had recently come out of the closet. I was plunging myself into the unknown world of being a gay man, coming out to my friends and family, and gauging reactions of the people close to me. As I became more confident in being who I am, I started to see the large dichotomy between the world that I grew up in and the world that I was entering. Many of these example--which are written about in this blog--made me very angry and made me feel like I was fighting an uphill battle for the hearts and minds of many in my family and childhood friends. It was frustrating, and the tone of many of the entries reflect that.

However, I feel that I am in a different place now. Referendum 71, which was the subject of my last blog post, was passed by a margin of 4 points last Tuesday. Slim margin to be sure, but it marks the first time in the history of this country that LGBT rights have won at the ballot box. It's a significant moment. The same night, gays and lesbians in Maine lost the right to marriage--extended to them by their state legislature and their governor's signature--adding a bittersweet tinge to the victory in Washington.

I realized last week that I am living in very significant times for the gay community. I live in a city that has a large population of gay people. I come from a community that remains very conservative and closed off to this movement of people seek equal rights under the law. They are not simply passive observers, but in many cases active in their desire to see to it that these rights do not come to fruition.

The desire to record what is going on with this movement--both with the hopeful activists and the opponents of gay rights in this country, as well as human rights abuses against LGBT people internationally--prompts me to leave this blog behind and focus my attention on the world of gay rights. To help tell the story as I live through this significant time in the expansion of gay rights domestically and the continued hardship of gay people world wide. It will not be this way forever, and I think it is important enough to record, to offer my perspective.

As for this blog...I suppose it will stay posted, but will no longer be added to. It will collect dust on the internet until someone dusts in off and looks at it again. It's been a good ride.

My thoughts on Referendum 71

This year Christians in Washington were very wary about trying to put Referendum 71 on the ballot. The self-proclaimed leaders of the religious right in the state were at a disagreement over whether to challenge the new domestic partnership law signed by Governor Gregoire this past May. Some saw it as the moral duty of the good Christian solider, fighting the unpopular fight and protecting straight marriages from gay domestic partnerships. Others felt that the backlash from the narrow passing of Proposition 8 in California in 2008, overturning their gay civil marriage rights decision by the state supreme court, had painted the church in a bad light and that there were better opportunities for the time and money of the (collective) church. There was actual disagreement played out on the front page of the state's various newspapers.

As in so many other areas of civil life, the zealots got their wish. They collected thousands of signatures to challenge the law by using their churches as canvassing platforms and in certain cases misleading voters by telling them this referendum would allow people who support gay rights to vote on the issue. A half-truth is still a lie and Christians know it, but it achieved their end nevertheless. On November 3rd gay people and their allies are going to the polls to secure their basic civil rights which have already been extended to them through the democratic process.

The domestic partnership law is really a final expansion of rights that already existed in part through other domestic partnership agreements in the state. There was a law in 2007 that extended some rights, a law in 2008 that extended some more rights, and now the final law past last May which basically gives gay and lesbian partnership full marriage rights under state law.

Before anyone gets too bent out of shape, it is important remember what it is that we're talking about here. Domestic partnership extends a couple, and particularly a family with gay parents, the right to own property together, jointly raise a child together without jumping through many legal hoops, share important medical decisions together, and transfer estates upon the death of one of the partners. Before this domestic partnership law, a couple had to enter into hundreds of contracts together and hire attorneys to ensure that all the bases got covered. This law the state's way of acknowledging that a family unit exists and to apply the state's benefits and responsibilities appropriately. It is not a law stating that Jesus Christ loves gay sex.

Recent polling suggests that the law is going to be upheld--ff people will get out the vote in an off-year election. 12,000 families have been forced to wait with their civil rights in the balance since May while the conservatives tout their dog-and-pony-show-referendum in eastern Washington. This is the representation of Christ that the people see. That should deeply trouble Christians. It makes me think of my friends back home, many of whom are not supportive of my "gay lifestyle" or the "choice that I've made."

This referendum to me is a statement on the current state of the conservative Christian movement. For those of you who support placing road blocks in the path to full equality for gay and lesbian people, you are wrong. You were wrong in 2004 when you reelected Bush to push writing discrimination into the constitution. You were wrong in 2008 when you spent millions of Mormon dollars to take away rights of thousands of people in California; and you are wrong now. You ask me to trust your authority on spiritual matters, yet clearly have lost your way.

To be fair, many people of faith support the domestic partnership law in Washington. On the approvereferendum71.org website there is a list of many churches supporting the law and telling their congregations that extending civil rights to their neighbors is the right thing to do. However, this is not the Christianity that I know or the example that I've seen in my own life. It has become clear to me in the years since leaving the church that many Christians remain solely interested in being right, regardless of who they have to step on to make their point. But we are real people, with real relationships that deserve validation and respect. You preach sermons on how to reach the "lost" gay community, how to help us turn straight, and then spend millions of dollars and tons of political capital fighting against our basic rights as citizens of this country. It's a losing strategy.

I am going to do my part to prevent the domestic partnership law from being overturned by religious zealots that have no stake in the issue at hand. And just as this fight has continued for decades, we will not stop until we achieve full equality. There will be another vote, and another and another. But personally I do reflect on the absurdity of fighting against the same people I used to be a part of, that raised me, that befriended me in my early years. It astounds me that they view this issue as something separate from the actual human beings they know that would benefit from this law. You've lost touch with Jesus and swim around in religion to pass the time.

My Interview with Carrie Prejean

I recently got the chance to sit down with Carrie Prejean, beauty queen and gay marriage expert, here at the Values Voters Summit. She was the keynote speaker on the first night of the conference and was preceded by many Republican elected officials and national evangelical leaders. The following is a heavily edited transcript that before transcribing it here looked as though it had been blacked out with sharpie marker by the Bush Task force on terrorist interrogations.

Me: Thank you so much Carrie for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk with me this afternoon. I understand that you've been quite busy.

Carrie: Yes, happycamper, I have. Thank you for noticing how awesome the plan is God has for me. It's my pleasure to be with you today.

Me: Now Carrie, let's remind people of the moment that you rose to national stardom. I believe it was when Perez Hilton, gossip blogger of the stars, asked you a question about gay marriage and Proposition 8 that was on the ballot in California. Is that right?

Carrie: Yes. I was asked a question about gay marriage by an openly gay man and I stood up for what I thought was right...which was opposite marriage, of course. And I received a lot of slack for that, but really it's all been to God's glory.

Me: In what way was God glorified by you taking a stand against a state court ruling regarding civil marriage at the Miss USA beauty pageant?

Carrie: Frankly, happycamper, I am shocked by your closed mind. Shame on you to question my motives.

Me: Never mind. Do you find it odd that the religious right has chosen you to be a spokesperson for the gay marriage issue going into this next round of elections?

Carrie: Not really, happycamper. You see, the Republicans seek out real folks. They want to represent the American people and provide a platform for them to voice their concerns with the way things are changing and they're giving us a chance shout "no more"! Not in my America! No not opposite marriage! Not this time!

Me: You clearly feel passionately about this issue, but what exactly are your goals and what is your presence in the debate going to add to the national conversation over how we extend to thousands of families the civil rights that a majority of others enjoy?

Carrie: I'm just doing it all for the glory of God. And honestly, I am shocked at the intolerance of some people regarding my intolerance. We live in America! It is a country where we can have both, tolerance and intolerance, and same and opposite marriage, and it's un-American to have it any other way. This is why I would like to take this time to announce my candidacy for President in 2012. Sarah Palin and I will be running the together. Quite frankly, happycamper, it will awaken every Republican man's conserva-boner. Watch out liberals, because opposite marriage is about to come all over America's face and there is nothing you can do to stop me..er...I mean... it...now.

Me: Carrie, I am offended by the language and lack of civility regarding an topic that is really only a headline issue for a small portion of the Republican party's constituency. Can we please clean up the conversation and discuss this topic with some dignity and respect?

Carrie: Ok, here's the deal, Drew-ski. I don't really know that much about gay marriage. Before I was asked that question in the beauty pageant I had just thrown up my lunch and was feeling a little bit weak. I said the first thing that came into my head, and now I've just got to go with it. I have this index card here that details nine principals and twelve values and I am not supposed to deviate from it in any way. This group of Value Voters validates my insecurities as a person and hangs on every word that I say. I guess they are unaware that "opposite marriage" isn't even a real thing. I mean this is way better than becoming Miss USA. Fox News in my back pocket and the wind blowing up my skirt.

Me: Bitch, I don't think that's wind. And that last sentence was a fragment.

Carrie: Suck it, homo.

Me: Touche, my dear. Well, thank you for your time Carrie. I know that its always difficult to carve out some time at a big summit event like this, particularly when you have to go the 9-12 Project Boot Camp every morning. Folks, that all from the Values Voters Summit 2009 in Washington, DC. I have to shuffle on to the main stage where I hear Roy Blunt is going to tell a racist joke about President Obama and some woman will say to an applauding audience that abortions should be performed in a public setting. You can watch Carrie's speech from the Summit here. You can't make this stuff up, guys.

A Chase Scene

I just woke up from the most bizarre dream. In it, my mother and I were attending a wedding from a friend of mine from high school. Everyone is there, all my old friends. And we are greeting each other and having a great time catching up on everyone’s lives.

Suddenly the bride catches my eye, comes over, and states apprehensively, “Oh, Andrew, I can’t believe you made it.” “Of course I made it,” I replied, “it’s your special day.”

Initially, the comment seemed to be just one of those things you say at a wedding to thank the person for traveling across the country to attend the affair. Then, as the bride goes around the room greeting other guests I get this eerie feeling that they’re talking about me, as their slight glances in my direction suggest.

It starts to become clear to me that I’m not welcome at this gathering. I get up, leave my mother sitting inside the sanctuary, and walk outside the church building where a friend of mine is smoking a cigarette.

“Um, I have a feeling that I’m not welcome here,” I say with an inflection that is as much comment as it is question.

“Is it because I’m gay?” I ask, as if the question had never occurred to me before this moment.

”Well, you took a risk in coming here,” my friend responded. “It’s fine with me that you’re here, but I am sure there are plenty of people inside that would feel differently.” Then her eyes shifted from my face over to the side. “But it seems like that guy over there is looking for you.”

I turn and look over my left shoulder and see one the elders from my parent’s church, a man who actually exists, spot me and take off running towards me. Without hesitation I take off running and wake up while being hotly pursued by respected man in my parent’s church. I guess my mom attended the rest of the wedding without me.

Isn’t that so weird? Why would I dream this? I never have dreams about these people, places, or subject matters. Although there was something that happened last night that could have prompted it.

Kevin and I went to a fund raising event for an organization that offers medical and emotional support to those living with HIV/AIDS. One of the event coordinators started flirting with us, which lead into a very interesting conversation.

He was a 28 year old former Evangelical Christian missionary that had recently returned from his second tour of duty in Iraq. He had married a woman at age 24 because that’s what good missionaries do. 18 months into the marriage he felt he had to come to terms with reality, come out of the closet, end the relationship, and leave the military. I told him that I too was once a missionary in India. Him too. We talked about volunteering for Mother Teresa’s House of Dying Destitutes in Calcutta and the profound simplicity of her message. Her whole purpose was to care for the dying, so that no one ever had to die alone. He said that he was pleased about where he is in life now, and that his whole message to the gay community is that God loves us. God loves him, me, and everyone else, just the way we are. His words.

The domestic partnership debate is heating up here in Washington State. Last May the state legislature passed a bill and our governor signed into law an “everything but marriage” statute. It was done entirely through the legislative process and gave same sex couples all the rights and responsibilities of marriage without using the term and thus awaken the beast. Awakened nevertheless, Christian groups sought out 127,000 signatures, in part using their churches as signing stations, to put a referendum on the ballot to overturn the law. This flex of political muscle has delayed the law from going to effect until the voting results are determined in November. A recent poll shows 73% of Washingtonians support domestic partnership rights. The referendum is an empty gesture to squeeze the last bit of crazy out of the state and to harm their gay and lesbian neighbors as they wait to see if they will be able to share health insurance and have a smooth transfer of property with their life partner.

In December my brother is graduating from college. I am bringing my boyfriend down for the occasion. I want Kevin to see where I’m from, get my family used to the idea of him in my life, see my brother’s graduation, and see some old friends. Kill four birds with one stone, as it were. But making these plans runs into some tactical issues that make it complicated. It’s just one of those things were it would be easier if I wasn’t gay. Lubbock’s not really "gay friendly". Not one of those places I would ever visit with my boyfriend if I didn’t have family there. Planning this trip is reminding me of that.

All of these things in combination make it really hard to feel the love that Christians profess to have for me. A recent article in the newspaper here interviewed some of the supporters of Referendum 71 and each one of them said that they "love homosexuals" and "hate their sin". I think they're confused. They actively pursue a course to take away the civil rights afforded to me through a democratic process and encourage me to change my sexuality with the power of Jesus. That’s not love. You listen to those that you love.

I guess it has felt recently like I’m being chased out of a gathering I should be welcomed to by a scary man from my parent’s church. Weird analogy. After that dream I need a smoke and a nap.

Why Gay Men Should Rule the World

Oh Shit! What's that? Barney Frank's inner queen just came out and slapped this right wing nut job upside the head. Leave it to a homo to set your crazy ass straight. He don't play. Let's elect more queers to Congress...

Tokin' Up

The 20th Annual Hempfest was this weekend in the Emerald City. Last year's marijuana festival had eluded me because I was such a new resident. I didn't know it had happened before it was already over. This year, not so.

The Hempfest is a festival that, I guess, "celebrates" marijuana. Rows of booths tote the praises of the herbal messiah while attendees enjoy a toke out in the open, guarded by police officers who are there with strict instructions to only keep the peace. It is right along the waterfront in a section of town that, throughout the year, is frequented by wealthy tourists.

There is something fairytale-ish and surreal about watching large groups of people smoke weed while the police are casually mingling amongst them, only ready to spring to action if someone gets violent. Which never happens, cuz, dude, man, they're smoking pot.

While I appreciated the novelty of the festival and the shear turnout for the event, a larger, more pungent factor prevailed. Hippies are dirty and dirty smells. I am a strong believer in achieving a sense of balance in one's life. I think it's safe to say that if you fail to bathe regularly due to your love for the ganja, you have failed to achieve this balance. The wafts of patchouli that emanate from their B.O. ridden bodies are the icing on the cake. Just writing about it brings me back to that place. It is a dark place. You get the picture?

My main criticism of Hempfest would be that it was very counter-cultural. It gives the impression that the only people who smoke weed, or want to legalize and regulate it for recreational use, are stank ass hippie-motherfucken reggae enthusiasts. Clearly this is not the case, but you wouldn't know any better by attending Hempfest. If you want any sort of political change, throw up a couple of cool ass- partying lawyers and a red-eyed city council member. If you make them feel welcome, they'll come. Seriously, it's Seattle.

I was struck with the absurdity of having a festival around an agricultural phenomenon that the country considers an illegal drug. Everyone knows what you do at Hempfest, there are thousands of people there, and the police are brushing up alongside you trying to get through the crowd. It seems that something in our law needs to change to reflect public opinion and behavior. How are you going to house all these people in a holding cell? And the smell. Oh, God.

Hempfest was an experience that I'm glad I had. I won't need to go next year.

Mob Rule

The new Republican strategy is out: try to dominate the health care debate by yelling at the top of your lungs at public town hall meetings. The more disruptive, the better. During the August recess, most Congressmen have traveled back to their home districts in order to meet with their constituents regarding the legislative agenda. Many of them have been confronted by radical conservatives that are convinced that Obama's plan is to kill all the old people and institute policies of 1930s Germany.

Republican leaders, both of the elected and talk-show variety, are fueling the flames of this insanity, and encouraging civil disorder and mob rule at these town hall meetings. They are counting on the xenophobia of their base to excite disruption and ensure that health care reform fails. Rush Limbaugh, on his website, compared the symbol the Obama administration has created for health care reform with the symbol of the SS officers in Nazi Germany. The message is clear: Obama is Hitler, and he must be stopped.

It does not surprise me that the Republicans are resorting to fear to shut down intelligent debate. They have been using this MO for decades in the 'war' on drugs, the 'war' against gay marriage, the real war in Iraq, the 'war' against Clinton fellatio, and many other manufactured threats. Fear is how they win elections and how they attack their opponents. It replaces actual ideas, which are lacking in their party right now. What I do find appalling is with how little is required for them to compare our president to Hitler.

Obama's been in office for eight months and is working aggressively to promote his health care agenda. His views on health care, and his desire to succeed at reform, were not a secret when he was running for office. He talked extensively about health care on the campaign trial last year. The American people went to the polls in November and elected him. They wanted a president that would tackle the health care industry. That's what he is doing. It's not a surprise, yet somehow Republicans seem very taken aback.

It is OK to disagree with the President. It is OK to speak out against governmental policies that you don't like. But for conservatives to encourage uncivil disruption at forums meant to share and discuss information is wholly un-American. Our founding father's did not risk their lives to form this country so that crazy people could shout down their elected leaders at town hall meetings. It is a disgrace to democracy. These people are the same ones who told liberals to leave the country when they were opposed to the war in Iraq. Their rhetoric on almost every issue, even when they enjoyed political power, is unwavering stubbornness. Their speech is constantly hateful, unhelpful, and appeals to the base of our reptilian brains. Perhaps the scariest part is that they actually believe their own fabrications.

Is this what we have to look forward to for the next three and a half years? Let's hope not. Intelligent Republicans, take your party back from the fringe whack jobs, and offer your solutions to reforming health care. Debate is welcome, but fear and intimidation is getting tired in the face of a problem that needs real solutions.

The 'F' Word

The past few days have been an interesting display of the uglier side of human nature, of our primal urge to separate ourselves from that which is different. As a gay man living in Seattle, Washington, I rarely encounter intolerance to my natural persuasion. Us gays have a thriving community here that supports each other, and plenty of establishments to patron that we're sure to see other gay people, being gay, and not giving a shit.

I have been living in Seattle just a few days shy of a year. During that time, I have been so thankful for the gay community here as I think back to where I moved from a year ago. Deep east Texas. Not bad people, but just not quite on board yet. I knew that I was not going to able to have there what I have discovered in Seattle. In the South, the word "faggot" carries with it a harsh sting, but it's a word that you almost expect to hear of out someone at some point. It is the cost of living as an openly gay person in the Bible belt. Groups come to protest on your street with signs that declare God's hatred for faggots, and other Christian groups gently distant themselves from the more abrasive elements of the protester's message and look the other way. It's how the game is played.

In Seattle, you will get your face clubbed in with a queen's four inch heal for that kind of language. The threat of such a fate keeps utterance of that word to a bare minimum. Which makes it that much more caustic when you hear it.

Last Tuesday, while on our way to a birthday dinner for a friend, Kevin and I were strolling down the street in Belltown holding hands. The day was hot, and many people were outside to escape the heat of their high rise apartments. We were passed by a portly blonde with a spaghetti strap dress and a $4000 pair of cleavage, clutching a man's arm twice her age.

"Are you guys faggots?" her cracked out voice shrilled.

My reaction, having been seasoned in the South, was to ignore the apparent idiocy of the person. Kevin had a different reaction. Being from the Northwest, the word produced a snappy comeback about her retail breasts and need for another dye job. I realized that I was perhaps too passive about my willingness to except the outburst as something that comes with territory of walking around town, being who you are. I simply did not even want to dignify her insult with a response.

A few days later, I was coming home from a party in the wee hours of the morning, and stopped at a light. Next to me were a bunch of fratberries and their girlfriends, most likely coming back from a night of clubbing in Pioneer Square. "Hey, faggot," one of them said, as he rolled down the window to taunt me while I was next to him on the scooter.

Now, I will readily admit that the scooter is a little bit gay. I probably look a little bit gay while I'm scooting around on it, and you know what, I am a little bit gay. But the insult, coming from someone who had clearly had enough to drink, brought me back to South. It reminded me of how common the caricature of this guy is down there. And apparently they are migrating. Again, my response was to ignore this guy, as his girlfriend chided him from the backseat to shut his bigot mouth. Ah, straight girls, how do you deal?

The two incidents, occurring so closely together, were coupled by a third this week when I received an email from an acquaintance from high school. It was simply the most recent in a handful of emails that I have received from a person from my past that has discovered that I'm openly gay through Facebook. Social networking sites are splendid for a variety of things, but one of the more bizarre traits of such sites in the way in emboldens people you have not heard from in ten years to suddenly email you about how "deeply saddened" they are about your "lifestyle," as though your life is so much different from theirs. Just because I have "chosen to be gay" it is not going to stop them from praying for me. To date I have received about five or six such responses, spread out over the two years since coming out.

While the language of the email was in no way as offensive as the previous interactions I have described, the underlying cause of the interaction is the same. There is still a large portion of the population that thinks that homosexuality is some sort of offense against God; an unnatural inclination. Those who hold such views, and mistake the writings of fallible humans as holy words, offer their God up in service of bigots and homophobes. They also feel emboldened to speak into someone's life regarding a subject they don't really know about. All the while forgetting that they are proselytizing someone with rot iron fortitude, fashioned by years of internal dissonance that comes from being gay in a fundamentalist world. But, like their Lord himself once said, "they know not what they do."

I would love to find some sort of gateway between these two worlds. My old one and my new one. But, when confronted by someone with a drive-by evangelistic mentality, it leaves very little option. They tell you things you already know, as though they forgot how trained in the faith you were as well. It is disappointing, because when I have these experiences I am reminded of how far we have yet to go.

On the upside, the progress that gay people have made in such a short time against thousands of years of collective oppression is nothing short of amazing. The fact that I can live my life the way that I want, openly and without shame, is not a reality that I take for granted. Getting called a "faggot" by crack whores is an easy price to pay.

My gratitude goes to those who have come before me. To the Harvey Milk's, the Ellen's, the Stonewallers. They took a stand when it was not popular and paid a very real price for their resistance. Thank you for your bravery and vision of a world that would someday accept you as equals. It's coming.

Farewell, Sarah

Kevin and I settled in last night to watch Sarah Palin's Farewell Address from Fairbanks, Alaska. It has been 10 months since she first graced us with her appearance on the national stage as John McCain's running mate. And she had a nice run of it. She brought more attention to Alaska and the inner workings of her government then she knew what to do with, and had a mastery of foreign and domestic policy that left something to be desired. But, God is she hot. I mean, look at that picture. She's a fox who hunts moose. The words that come out of her mouth might not be smart, but I'll be damned if their not pretty. She's every Republican man's fantasy personified.

Last night's address was an interesting recipe of Alaska state politics with a dash of rhetorical chiding for the national media and their inability to understand her. Why can't you see how brilliant I am, she cried before an adoring crowd. She played the valiant martyr willing to crucify her governorship so that she and her followers might achieve greater glory in post-Palin Alaska. She has other sheep in other pastures, as it were.

While she is talking, you almost get lost in what she's saying. She's breaking up with you, but it's not you, it's her. She was not ready for a relationship. You're a great guy, Alaska, and you'll meet someone else someday. She's gotta go to save you from how rich and famous she's about to become. Now that she's not tied down with you, she'll have so much more time to find herself. And you know she's right; it has gotten tiresome dating the most popular cheerleader at school.

I thought it would be fitting to leave you with some memorable quotes that Sarah has left us with in her brief time in the public eye. Sarah, we know you ain't goin' away, gurl...but here's your tribute for life in public office.

-"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border."- Sept 24, 2008

-"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." -October 5, 2008

--"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?"- July 2008, short months before excepting the VP spot on the Republican ticket.

-"[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." - October 21, 2008, incorrectly answering the question she herself had asked a few months prior.

-"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't." -Palin's response to a City Council Member who complained that she was outside her authority to spend $50,000 renovating the mayoral office.

-"I don't know if you're going to use the word 'terrorist' there." - October 23, 2008, when she was asked if those that bomb abortion clinics are terrorists.

-"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ...We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." -October 16, 2008

-"I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also."-explaining to us all why she would not be answering the questions at the vice presidential debate, October 2, 2008

Sarah, you have a way of leaving us perplexed. Certainly not politics-as-usual. We can only assume that Sarah will be rearing her head at Republican fundraiser dinners and co-hosting a show with Oprah Winfrey next time we she her. She's a fierce diva that deserves more than the governor's mansion can offer her. I can only hope they call the show "Paling around with Palin."

Sarah, you will be missed as an elected public official. It's not nearly as fun when some crazy Fox News host says these things. Your command of language was so Bushian, and your beauty was that of a thousand Carrie Prejean's.

The Doctor will see you now.

The health care debate is heating up. I must say that regardless of your position on this issue, it is a nice debate to be having for once. It's a break from the 'how much torture is too much' debate, or the 'I know the WMDs got around here somewhere' debate. It is a debate being lead by someone who can complete a sentence, and when Obama speaks about health care you get the feeling that he knows what he's saying. That in itself is a breath of fresh air. Also, it's about something that genuinely effects the quality of life for millions of Americans.

As one of the 40 million uninsured in this country, I have been following the debate with a degree of interest. The single payer system, which is used across much of Europe and Canada, seems to be off the table at this point. The private insurance companies simply have too much power in Washington, D.C. and those in Congress are too cowardice to bite the hand that feeds them. So what will most likely happen is we will get a bill that props up the private insurance companies by subsidizing policies for those that cannot afford it on their own. The insurance companies win and we will continue to waste billions of dollars in administrative costs. Even those insured will be at the mercy of what their insurance company will decide to cover.

This is not actual health care reform. It might be considered health care 'improvement'. A single payer system, where everyone pays to a single entity, usually the government, for a standard of health care, is what we need in this country. That is actual reform that would cover everyone. You get sick, you go to the doctor, you get your prescription, it costs you nothing above what you have already paid in taxes, and you go home. Is it socialized medicine? Yep. It is. Just like our socialized education system, police forces, public transportation systems, and postal service.

The larger question posed in this health care debate is whether or not a basic standard of health care is a right that comes with being an American citizen. At some point in history we as a people decided that education fell into this category. President Carter created the Department of Education to help regulate the basic standard of education that every child, even those of undocumented immigrants, would receive. Not every public school is up to the same standard and our education system has its share of problems, but every child has access to a teacher and a classroom. They can learn to read and write and think for themselves.

Imagine if you will what our country would look like if you had to purchase private insurance so that your child could go to school. It would insure generational poverty and create a caste system that would manifest all sorts of social issues between classes. Your parent's can't pay now, then you miss out the foundational building blocks of success that could help you rise above your situation in the future. This is what our health care system looks like from my perspective at the bottom.

All this talk of reform, however, has awakened the conservative scare machine. They have taken a momentary break from eating Sarah Palin's pussy to paint for us the horrific picture of what an America with a single payer health care system would look like. I find it hard to believe that anyone listens to these guys anymore, but apparently their message of fear still resonates with many people. There is no example of health care tales gone wrong in other countries that they have not incorporated into their talking points. "A guy I know in Canada had to wait two months for gall bladder surgery," they say. "He almost died." Well, that may be true, but 40 million of us in this country are not going to be having any gall bladder surgery, and we might actually die.

Even with a single payer system that covers every American, private health insurance is not going away. This is the other big conservative lie. They claim that it will stifle competition in the industry and hand us and our health over to the evil government. What they fail to mention is that there are plenty of private companies that compete just fine with the U.S. government. Take UPS, FedEx, private schools, taxi cabs, and a wide variety of security services that successfully compete with their 'socialized' counterparts as some examples. There will always be the wealthy that will purchase their own insurance to received this, that, or the other service not covered in the public plan. And there will be plenty of private insurance companies happy to take their money and provide them coverage for their boob job, chin lift, late term abortion, and lasik eye surgery.

I guess as a person that currently does not have access to health care through no fault of my own, I tire of these Republican talking points. They see Obama's commitment to reforming health care as an Achilles heal they can attempt to exploit. Senator Jim DeMint, a Republican from the south, said last week that "If we are able to stop Obama on this...it will break him." And that about sums up the debate. While Obama works diligently to bring the type of reform the American people voted for last year, the Republicans are going to do their best to stand in the way, make him look unable to lead in this arena, and then use it against him three years from now. This is not a debate about which reform is best. It is between doing something and doing nothing. If I am wrong in understanding the dialogue this way it is because the Republicans are not letting the American people in on their excellent ideas to reform the health care system. I can only assume it's because they don't have any.

Whether or not you agree wholeheartedly with any of the bills that are making their way through Congress at the moment, I have to hand it to the president for placing health care reform at the top of his domestic agenda. He has learned from the mistakes of the failed attempt in 1993, and has a comfortable relationship with our Democratic congress. And maybe....just maybe, I'll be able to go to the doctor some day. What a thought.

Fuck you, I'm hot.

There is a drag queen living inside of me. I've known this for quite a while. She first appeared when I was about five years old, just about the time I discovered the four inch red pumps in the dress up box at my grandparents house. I would put those shoes on and this fierce diva would emerge. I gave face, face, face. I would sashay, turn, and chantey. Usually I was Dorthy Gale from the Wizard of Oz, but occasionally, particularly around Christmas time, I was the Virgin Mary. And I was fucking five.

On New Year's Eve this year, I had a very interesting text message interaction from someone who clearly had the wrong number. We'll call her Shameka.

Shameka: Hey Cochina! Whatcho wearing tonight, girl?

Now, at this point, I had a choice. I could choose not to respond, or to inform Shameka that she has the wrong number. Or I could do this:

Me (as Cochina, my inner queen): Oh girl, you know I have to wear those hooker boots I got on clearance and that skirt from Nordstrom Rack that makes my ass sing.

Shameka: So, u saying that I should dress up 2, grl. I just don't no what 2 wear.

Cochina: Please girl, you always look hott. Can't wait to see how sexy we are tonight.

Shameka: I guess I can wear that black dress with the half calf heels.

Cochina: Meow... work it.

Shameka: Oh, now I'm excited! Can't wait 4 the party tonight!

Cochina: Me neither, diva. C U soon!

I thought that I would get another text message within an hour or so from Shameka that inquired who was at the other end of this phone number...but I never did. But that night I was reunited with my inner drag queen. The thought of strutting my curvaceous ass covered in thin, black material around a room kind of excited me. All the boys drooling over my heaving tits that were just half a size too large for the halter top I was wearing, made me smile. Oops, my nipple just popped out. I'm so naughty...Are you here to give me some discipline?

Over the years you lose touch with your inner drag queen. She recedes under the pressure of social acceptance. It's cute when you're five and really faggy when you're thirteen. However, Kevin and I have recently been making our way through RuPaul's Drag Race. It's a combination of America's Next Top Model and Project Runway for drag queens on the LOGO channel. And it doesn't get any more fabulous than this.

The show started out with nine drag queen superstar wannabes and each week Ru, in all her wisdom, would demand that the weakest queen "sashay away." As the competition got tougher and the number of queens were whittled down, I was increasingly impressed by the genuine talent that these girls displayed. Most bio-girls would be at a loss to keep up with these ladies.

The show was actually giving me insight into the drag community and breeding in me an understanding of what they do and the role that they play in the larger picture of queer culture. It was about week four that I had a huge realization: These men, who live quite happily as men in every other aspect of their lives, are doing what every gay kid did when they were five. The natural draw to be a superfierce diva has turned into a career for these guys, and many of them have had to endure a lot of ridicule to achieve the level of performance they have.

Some of the girls are more believable than others, but that's where the fun begins. The genderqueer, androgynous queens that blur the line between masculine and feminine have a lot to teach us about ourselves. They show us how razor thin many of those lines are and are brave enough to throw on some heels, makeup and a dress that somehow conceals the roll of quarters they're smothering between their legs, just to give a hearty "Fuck you" to the status quo. Fuck you for saying I can't, fuck you for making me feel less than, fuck you for calling me a fag, and most importantly fuck me because, bitch, I'm hot.

I may be shaving my legs this Halloween. Cochina likes them smooth.

Hundred Day Assesment

Today is Barack Obama's 100th day as President of the United States. Much has been accomplished in a short time, and the era of Bush seems like such a distant past. President Obama has ordered the closing of Guantanamo Bay, banned the practice of water boarding (torture), passed a much needed stimulus bill against the will of the vocal minority, and rallied moderates to secure a filibuster-proof senate. He also has completely changed the tone of the presidency from a secretive office full of backroom meetings and lobbyist handjobs, to a more open sense of governance. Obama, to date, has held more press conferences and made more public appearances than Bush did in his entire first term. You remember, the term where we were attacked by terrorists and started two wars.

It is clear that Obama is interested in bringing the American people along on his presidential journey. He wants to be clear about his agenda and get it across to people that feel left out of the fold in American Politics. He has made appearances on the Tonight Show and ESPN to reach out to an audience that may not be inclined to watch a press conference or read a policy report but that certainly have a stake in the success of his platform. You don't have to agree with him, but most of the country does, and at least you can't criticize him for being inaccessible or clandestine.

The shell of the Republican Party that is left after the 2008 election is in a state of sad disarray. They had been downgraded to a regional party, namely the South, where most of the stupid people live. In search for leadership, they have handed the party over to the Rush Limbaughs and Glenn Becks of the world. Sure, they have an audience. Limbaugh boasts an audience of about 15 million listeners a week. It sounds like a lot, but to put it in perspective it is only 13% of the people that voted in the last presidential election. With 13% of the electorate at your beck and call you can stage a lot of "teabagging" protests. You can also bitch and moan on Fox News, badmouth the president, and rant about how we are becoming a "socialist nation," but you can't win elections. That 13-20% percent of the electorate represents the far right wing of the party that has taken over and dominated the GOP over the last three months. Like moderate Muslims trapped by Taliban leadership, moderate Republicans have no voice, although they exist in larger number than you would expect.

It feels like George W. Bush is light years away. He bought a mansion in Dallas and rode off into the sunset. Good for him. He is doing and acting exactly the way a wildly unpopular ex president should. He is working on his memoirs, which should be out as soon as he can figure out how to spin it into something positive.

Other former elected leaders are not extending us this courtesy. Dick Cheney has been quite vocal about certain national security policy changes. Seriously, who the fuck cares what the most unpopular vice president thinks about anything? Does the right wing think that by parading Cheney around the different news shows criticizing the Obama administration that they are going to make any converts? It's about as effective as the Britney Spears instructional video Secrets to a Happy Marriage and Effective Child Rearing. This is what Cheney has to offer the country.

When I was growing up my father's favorite response to inquiry was "No." That is because "no" is easy. It requires little effort to vocalize and can be said in a variety of ways without offering an alternative. The Republican Party has become the party of "no". No health care, Nobama, no taxes, no gay marriage, no reproductive rights, no economic stimulus, and no fun. Ever. But also no definable alternative that has a chance in hell of becoming a reality in the current political climate, either.

Obama has just completed a stellar first 100 days in the White House. However, the hard work will continue for the next 1,360 days left in the first term of his presidency. The Republican Party better get on board and start the work of the minority party. This means that you work toward concessions that you can live with within a larger policy agenda that you don't necessarily like. You lost the election. Suck it up and move forward with a positive outlook. Senator Specter defected yesterday and he might not be the last. The 2010 midterm election campaigning and posturing is going to begin in about six months, and you don't want to be the party of "no" against a majority whose president has a 68% approval rating. Show us that you would like to win some elections again.

Underestimating Large Groups of Stupid People

The conservative movement has run into some semantic issues recently that I feel a duty to point out and correct.

When I plop my balls in your mouth, or brush them against your chin, or bounce them ever so slightly atop your forehead, I am "teabagging" you. It is a sexual act that only a man can perform on another person. Nothing else. However, the new wave of conservatives protesting the president's new tax code are using the term to refer to sending him tea bags in the mail as a symbolic act of solidarity with the Boston Tea Party-ers.

To all you conservatives out there participating in such "tea parties" on April 15th, please stop saying that you are "teabagging" the White House. It's actually quite funny and a bit clever, but us liberals have serious questions about your sanity and intelligence and we don't know whether to laugh with you (for coming up with a Daily Show style pun) or laugh at you (because you have no idea what "teabagging" actually refers to).

I tend to gravitate towards the latter response and here's why: major GOP party leaders are using the term, as well as all the pundits on Fox News. When I heard Ann Coulter talking about "teabagging" the president I had two thoughts: 1)anatomically impossible, and 2) I hope that my parents aren't talking to all of their friends about how they just can't wait to teabag President Obama. I actually sent them this email today due to my concern:

Hope you guys had a nice Easter. I got your little package in the mail yesterday. The pictures are super cute. I'll scan them into my facebook when I get a chance.

Also, I don't know if you guys have any plans to attend one of these infamous "tea parties" I keep hearing Fox News talk about on April 15th, but if you do please refrain from using the term "teabagging" to refer to them. "Teabagging" is the slang term used for when you put your scrotum on someone's face. Always has been and always will be. When I heard Ann Coulter say that she was going to "teabag" the White House I was concerned that perhaps you might be going around talking about "teabagging" the President. Yikes.

Just looking out for ya,

Andrew

I do my duty to my family, what can I say.

However, regardless of whether or not Ann Coulter and Greta Van Susteren plan on filling Obama's mouth with their huge teabags, there is a larger, historical issue here. Any student of history knows that the Boston Tea Party of 1773 was an event planned by revolutionary colonists to spur a violent response by the British and to protest the idea of "taxation without representation" in regards to the Crown's exorbitant tariff placed on tea in the colonies. Rather than return the tea to Britain, which other colonies had done, the Bostonians chose to destroy the tea in the ocean. Great Britain responded with the Coercive Acts, which essentially closed commerce in Boston harbor and prompted the convening of the First Continental Congress. The congress passed a series of provisions that demanded certain legislative action by the British and blah, blah, blah, the Revolutionary War started.

The parallels with the current tea parties, which Republicans think are so clever, pretty much stop with dumping tea into the water. However the act of protest at the Boston Tea Party was that the tea was never paid for. That was the revolutionary act. That was what made the British so angry. The only creatures getting angry here are the fish, who's palates are not yet refined enough to appreciate Lipton's brew. Are you beginning to understand why we think you're with stupid?

The other order of semantic business refers to my last blog post and the National Organization for Marriage (NOM). Apparently many, many people have weighed in on their fear-fuck-fest ad that is all over the internet and on the tele in certain inbred communities. In response to all the negative attention, the NOM has announced a new initiative called "Two Million for Marriage." But, in order to connect with the texting, twittering, facebooking, culture out there, NOM has shortened the name of the program to the text friendly 2M4M.

Please google "M4M." I don't expect straight people to really know what it means, but I do expect for the National Organization for Marriage to know their enemy. At least know what you think is so intolerable. Please open wide while I drop my balls in your mouth. I like them gently sucked and generously licked. And a little ass play never hurt anyone, either.

The Impending Storm

There's a storm a'brewing. Apparently it is a storm of butt plugs, anal lube, cock sucking, nipple clamps, and lesbian scissoring. Sounds like a good, hearty storm to me, like the ones I am used to growing up in West Texas, but the religious right is not so pleased.

This television ad is currently running in many 'battleground' states as the GOP prepares the ground of the 2010 midterm elections; one they cannot afford to go as poorly as the last. Granted, the ad is a little campy, a little low budget, a little hokey. Considering the source, my only surprise is that Kirk Cameron didn't pop out to share the Gospel with me at the end.

The National Organization for Marriage is a recently established Political Action Committee (PAC) that is carrying on the war against homosexuals from being included in the institution of marriage. I would encourage you to go to their website and check it out at . It's boats loads of fun for the whole family.

Given their name you would think the organization would be committed to tackling divorce rates and curbing domestic violence. But that is simply not so. It is an old dog with a new trick. The election of President Obama has mobilized the new minority to take off their traditional garb of white sheet with matching hood and don a more modern apparel. The ad even suggests that equal rights for gay and lesbian couples are OK, but that somehow the "homosexual agenda" wants more. They want to impede on the rights of the religious to wallow in their ignorance and xenophobia.

I immediately noticed how vague the impeding clusterfuck of a threat is. I kept waiting for the punch line, but it never came. Just manufactured, intangible fear of change (or improvement). There is no resolution as to why the medical doctor would have to choose between her professional career and her faith if gay marriage became a reality. It just states the hypothetical threat, while a backdrop of brooding clouds gains behind her, and moves on. No explanation or elaboration, which I can only assume means there is not one. And it uses the same MO multiple times in the 60 second spot.

It is a little surprising that the Republican Party is still using the gay issue to divide voters and motivate their base. That's so 2004. However, chances are that you haven't seen this ad running on TV in your area. It is for a very select audience, and is only appealing to those who have never visited a major city or lack an internet connection. But, thanks to my internet connection, I have seen it and can now share it with you. Nothing is secret and no audience is select.

My initial concern is that the American people have not learned their lesson soon enough. That there are still people in the middle of the country that roll around in this catnip to make a political difference. It is the same tactic that worked in 2002 and 2004 regarding our "War on Terror," and the impending threat of whatever benefited the administration's agenda. Now I am the enemy waging war against my parents, my childhood friends, their families, my brother, and God. Will it ever end?

My real concern, however, is that they are on to us. It's true. We won't stop until every man, woman and child is gay, gay, and gay. I could go on and on, but tonight is Thursday and it's my shift to strap on my angel wings and pull on the skin tight speedo for recruiting. So, tootles, straight people, I'm gonna go make one of your children gay tonight. Snap.

Stepping back from the inflammatory tone of the ad and the personal nature of the attack at hand, I would like to take you on a little walk into the future. Ten years from now, when gay marriage is legal nationwide, and no one thinks about it anymore. This ad will still exist and be easy to recall online. As will Pat Buchanan's 1992 Republican National Convention speech(youtube it)and clips from Pat Robertson's 700 Club. These people represent the conservative movement and Christianity in our times. What is to become of them, their movement, or Christianity as a whole, when recent history will dictate they were wrong. Who is to trust them, or their faith, about matters as weighty as spiritual leadership and enlightenment? Who wants the guidance of their senile grandparents as they contort in disbelief every time they see our black president? A generation or two can make a world of difference, and a person's continued respect and legitimacy requires that you end up on the right side of history.

The impending storm may not be the one that you think. It might be self created. And it just might be the tsunami that snaps the cross in half and leaves two thousand years of spiritual oppression laying desolate in its wake. Good luck, Christians.

Our Pontiff Predicament

The Catholic Church has been around for a long time. There are currently about 68 million Catholics living in North America. My family, on my mother's side, is riddled with them. The church has brought us such gems of history as the crusades, witch hunting, and prepubescent boy fucking.

I narrowly escaped a Roman Catholic upbringing thanks to my mother's collegiate rebellion to Evangelical Christianity, saving me from having to go to mass once a week. Being raised Christian certainly carries its own set of thorns to continuously jab at your secret desires. But, I escaped Catholicism. For this I am eternally grateful. However, I am familiar enough with Catholicism as an observing apostate at family reunions to realize most of its bells and whistles. Its special brand of guilty nuance, as it were.

Pope Benedict XVI recently graced the continent of Africa with a papal visit. If it's one thing that an impoverished, war torn land needs, its a visit from an ex-nazi, sith lord impersonator with an imaginary friend. A papal visit to Africa makes a bit of sense considering Africa is home to about 135 million Catholics. Shell shocked and mal-educated prepares the ground perfectly for Catholic seed.

The pope, at the sprightly age of 81, seemed to take the visit a bit more seriously than a typical papal visit. Usually it's rife with all the customary niceties of talking about world peace, shaking the hands of elected leaders, waving at adoring fans, and otherwise shutting the fuck up. Instead, the Vatican took the opportunity to take a continental health policy stance about condom use and to reaffirm the Roman Catholic belief on birth control. His exact words to the Associated Press during his trip were, "You can't resolve it (HIV transmission) with the distribution of condoms. On the contrary, it increases the problem." Monogamy within marriage, says the pope, is the only way to tackle this problem. This was his message before heads of governments, who would rather ignore the AIDS crisis, and before common laymen who are the unwilling and unknowing breeding ground for new infections.

As a volunteer for the Aids Alliance, and perhaps more importantly as a gay man, I know better. Get into a monogamous relationship with someone who is HIV positive and take the pope's advice. It may not work out to your liking. 22 million people in Africa are HIV positive, and those are just the cases that have been tested and reported to international health organizations. Approximately 800 people die every day due to AIDS related complications on the continent without lifesaving drugs that are commonplace and taken for granted in the West. It is a constant struggle between the international community and the governments of certain African nations, namely Zambia and South Africa, where the transmission rates are highest, to get safe sex education into the country. Then the pope shows up, all white and shiny and Jesusy, and fucks things up further.

In uplifting news, pretty much everyone else in the world responded to the pope by suggesting that he might be spinning on his pointy hat. If you want to be Catholic, fine. If you aspire to be pope, fine. If your imaginary friend walks with you, and talks with you, and tells you that you are his own, fine. But please leave the health advice to the health care professionals. They know more than you, they believe in "science," and they care more about actual results rather than scoring points for a fictitious deity. Shouldn't you be diligently working towards expanding the amount of human guilt on the planet, anyway?

Yes, I'm biased. I think Catholicism is for the weak of mind. Clearly. But, I also care deeply about the HIV crisis. It is something that affects my community disproportionately in this country, and that I have given my time and energy to try to make a difference. The innocent people of Africa deserve better from their leaders. Especially the leaders that should know better.

Pope Benedict XVI can suck my condom-sheathed cock. I hope he chokes on it.

The Problem with Power

As I look back over the last four years, and recall as I watched on with horror as W manipulated his way back into the White House through preying on the homophobia and manufactured fear of middle America, it is tempting to take this time to celebrate how the mighty have fallen. A really obnoxious dance in the center of the end zone.

Things got so bad, particularly with the economy, that having an 'R' next to your name in the ballot box proved a death wish. Obama is great and ran an impressive campaign, but I would credit his victory to circumstances that were outside his control. The American people wanted a change and any of the 31 flavors would do.

Now the liberals are set to have an ally in the White House, someone who will stand up for them and work with the Democratic leadership in Congress to realign both foreign and domestic policy more to our liking. But, the lessons from the last eight years need to stay ingrained in the minds of the new policy makers: one party with a blank check will invariably disappoint. And something tells me they not interested in the lessons.

I choose cautious optimism. Human beings have this propensity for fucking things up once in a position of power. History teaches us this lesson. It is easy to sit on the sidelines and watch an incompetent leader and his ilk stumble into war through some renewed hunger for Manifest Destiny. It's a popular thing to protest and an even easier thing to pass off as being 'their' fault. However, the real lesson to take from the outgoing administration is that governing a country as diverse as the United States is best done thorough bipartisan consensus. Through a give and take where every side feels considered, feels a part of the process.

The temptation is the tell the conservatives to shove it up their ass. This would be a mistake. When you step back from the sensationalism of political discourse so represented today by Fox News on the right and MSNBC on the left you realize that Rush Limbaugh and Keith Olbermann are the same person. They are both extremists, both with egos large enough to fill their audiences insatiable hunger for hyperbole. The only thing that has changed is whose political party now holds the reigns of power.

The left has long thought of itself as the party of tolerance. The compassionate do-gooders that can come the rescue of those in need once conservatism has played itself out long enough. This, however, is really a facade. They, like everyone else, are tolerant of the things that they agree with and intolerant of all the rest.

Enter Rick Warren, the mega-church pastor and Christian guru that has been invited to give the opening prayer at Obama's inauguration next month. The secular left is crying foul. The gays are pissed. The drag queens are taking off their heels, reapplying lip liner, and weighing down their purses with paperweights for the perfect instrument to knock a bitch upside the head. And political pundits are dissecting it ad nauseum, reading much more into the invitation than it's worth.

The bizarre thing is this: a group of people that has been marginalized for so long in this country now have a taste of power and acceptance, and suddenly they seem appalled when their new president reaches across the aisle to include Americans that didn't even vote for him. I, personally, commend Obama for throwing the evangelicals a bone. Let's get a grip on ourselves, progressives. He is not appointing Rick Warren to the Supreme Court, or giving him a coveted cabinet position. He is saying a prayer, leading half the country in an oratory to their imaginary friend. Just grin and bare it. To do anything else is to continue this bitter divide the Republican's used to their political advantage over the last few election cycles.

Barack Obama ran on a message of changing the way Washington does business, and his selection of two Republicans in his cabinet and the steps he has taken to offer an olive branch to the evangelical community show me that he is on the right track. The Democrats certainly expect things out of him that he is simply not going to be able to deliver.

Self appointed gay leaders, like the Human Rights Campaign, need to be very careful about how they move forward. The risk of alienating themselves is very real. The conservatives find themselves in this position as a direct result of their behavior over the last few years. Real change in this country, be it in gay rights or a paradigm shift in how this nation interacts with the rest of the world, is going to take time. But that is the problem of power: once you have it, you don't see the future dilemmas and backlash that comes with brushing aside those that oppose you. The battle is really for the hearts and minds of individuals to join our causes, to put aside their old ways of thinking. And frankly, death is the great equalizer that guarantees change will come. The next generation usually offers social progress simply as a result of birthing fresh ideas into this world.

It would be a mistake to expect an Obama administration to cure all our ills. It would be wrong of progressives to feel neglected every time he bucks the party line in order the be the president of the entire country. Keep your coins, I just want some change.

Weathering the Northwest

I have not written for a while. There is a reason.

The weather sucks. And one thing that I have learned about myself is that my mood is greatly dictated by the weather. I have been depressed by the constant rain and darkness that has covered the upper left hand corner of the country for so long.

But tonight it is snowing. It's like magic. And it is supposed to snow for the rest of the weekend and a couple of times next week as well. Magic flakes falling ever so gracefully upon all the trees that I have looked at with such disdain for the last two months.

Ian and I went to the park tonight. We caught snowflakes with our tongues, watched other couples with their gay wig-like dogs, and held each other. It was fun. A nice change of pace from the regular wet, dark existence of Seattleites in winter.

The energy of everyone else was noticeable as well. People talked to each other, something that has not happened since the end of September. Maybe this is the universe giving us a break. Giving us a reminder that things really aren't all that bad. And they're not. The sun is always there, just beyond the clouds. Just because you can't see it, absorb the Vitamin D, and derive your sense of time from it, doesn't mean that it's not there. It is.

Depression is the human reaction to this weather. The clouds cover your essence and make you feel disconnected from the source. When you are used to feeling good, feeling powerful in your life, move to Seattle in the winter. It will teach you a lot about yourself. It will humble you quickly. You will learn that you are weak and whine like anyone else.

As a transplant from the South, you feel out of place. You privately discuss your struggle with the winter weather and absorb the negative energy with much greater sensitivity than those that have made their home here.

Color me humbled. But tonight it's snowing and I am smiling.

:-)

Two Sides of the Same Coin

As I sit down to write this, Barack Obama has been President-elect for three days now.

The American people did it! We looked past the fear the Republicans tried to spoon feed us over the last few weeks of the campaign and elected our first African-American President. The Republican party that George W. Bush ran into the ground over the last four years is going to have to find a new soul or pass away into history. The significance of this moment has not been lost on the media or the country at large.

I was overcome with emotion when I saw the great black icons of this nation burst into tears talking about what this moment means to them. For a people that has had to fight so hard for so much, the validation of what happened on Tuesday night will never be forgotten. The power of that moment will be with us forever. Two little black girls, that fifty years ago would not have been able to share the same water fountain with whites, will grow up in the White House. This makes me smile. Whoopi Goldberg said it was as if she could finally put her suitcase down. Welcome to our country.

While it is important to acknowledge the decades long battle of the civil rights movement culminating in the election of President Obama, the fact that he is black does not change the fact that our country has serious issues to face. I, like most of the people that voted for Obama, did so not because or in spite of his color, but because we believed that he is the man best equipped to deal with the problems we face as a nation. He will be tested and judged just as harshly for his missteps as for he triumphs over the next four years. He has the opportunity to rise to the occasion, and I believe that he will. The next few weeks will be very telling as he addresses the nation several times, puts together his transition team, and the portrait of an Obama Administration begins to take focus.

All of this excitement and sense of accomplishment is slightly overshadowed in my mind by something else that happened on Tuesday evening. As black people marveled at an event they never thought would happen in their lifetimes, gays and lesbians were reminded that they are still second class citizens in the eyes of the majority of the country. These issues are two sides of the same coin. With the passing of Proposition 8 in California, Proposition 102 in Arizona, Initiative 1 in Arkansas, and Amendment 2 in Florida, the struggle for gay equality took a hit.

In California, the Mormon church, a group that previously was so nationally hated that they had to escape to their own state, poured millions of dollars into the campaign to take away the marriage rights of gay and lesbians. Now, the irony of the Mormon church protecting "traditional marriage" is obvious. It has only been recently that the Mormon church has understood marriage to be between one man and one woman, and it was indeed their polygamist view of marriage that caused them all the persecution in the first place.

The other group that voted overwhelmingly to ban gay marriage in California is African-Americans. Again, the irony is clear. The civil rights movement as it applies to blacks marked a great victory this week. A victory that is shared and celebrated by the whole country regardless of race. Simultaneously, this same movement for equality suffered a setback in the same evening and serves as a warning to anyone that thinks our work is over. It is hard to explain this reaction from a group of people that also had to work so hard to receive full inclusion into our society.

From a personal standpoint, it is hard to not let a setback like this get to me. I think of my friends that have been married in California over the last few months, and my heart breaks for them to think that as quickly as it was given it has been taken away. I think of how I was raised to despise my sexuality, and constantly reinforced with the idea that gay people were perverts, freaks, and second class citizens. I think of the moment I decided that I could not live a lie anymore regardless of what the consequences were for coming out. In large part, it is this struggle that I carry with me, that will forever be a part of me, that allows me such empathy with the black community as they watch one of their own take the reigns of the country. It is exciting, it is a huge victory, and an even larger validation of the black community as valuable members of our society.

Several people called me up to offer their condolences regarding the gay marriage bans that passed this week. However, it is not just a chap on my ass, but on the ass of the entire country. As long as there is still a group of people in America that is denied their civil rights, the full potential of our country will never be realized.

It also needs to be noted that this gay marriage issue is not like many other issues in politics. There is a clear right and a clear wrong. One side is struggling for their rights to be fully included in society. The success of something like this matters deeply to them, and has very real effects in their every day lives. And what of those that voted for the ban? They go about their daily lives and probably don't think about it again. In fact, I am sure that their vote came out of such unconsciousness that the harm it caused a group of people that has known nothing but struggle for inclusion in society is completely lost on them.

However, there is reason for hope. This is what this whole election season has been about, we want to have a renewed sense of hope. Proposition 8 passed by the slimmest of margins. It indicates progress. There will be another vote. And another. And another. Until we win. Public opinion is changing, and the manufactured fear that comes with an issue like gay marriage will continue to dissipate. The churches that fought so hard for this ban will not go unpunished. Perhaps they won this round, but what has been said cannot be taken back. They have shown their cards, their true character, and where does that leave them in ten years? Twenty years? When 52% of the electorate is no longer on their side?

You reap what you sow. And you don't want to fuck with gay people. Many of us have been through too much in our personal lives to be intimated by religious fanatics and intolerance. This gay is never going to sit down and shut up. I will see gay marriage in my lifetime. I will see more and more gay elected officials in my lifetime. I will see a gay Speaker of House, and maybe someday even a gay president. And I will see the day when gay is not even an issue anymore. Just a boring fact about someone's personal life.