Why Gay Men Should Rule the World

Oh Shit! What's that? Barney Frank's inner queen just came out and slapped this right wing nut job upside the head. Leave it to a homo to set your crazy ass straight. He don't play. Let's elect more queers to Congress...

Tokin' Up

The 20th Annual Hempfest was this weekend in the Emerald City. Last year's marijuana festival had eluded me because I was such a new resident. I didn't know it had happened before it was already over. This year, not so.

The Hempfest is a festival that, I guess, "celebrates" marijuana. Rows of booths tote the praises of the herbal messiah while attendees enjoy a toke out in the open, guarded by police officers who are there with strict instructions to only keep the peace. It is right along the waterfront in a section of town that, throughout the year, is frequented by wealthy tourists.

There is something fairytale-ish and surreal about watching large groups of people smoke weed while the police are casually mingling amongst them, only ready to spring to action if someone gets violent. Which never happens, cuz, dude, man, they're smoking pot.

While I appreciated the novelty of the festival and the shear turnout for the event, a larger, more pungent factor prevailed. Hippies are dirty and dirty smells. I am a strong believer in achieving a sense of balance in one's life. I think it's safe to say that if you fail to bathe regularly due to your love for the ganja, you have failed to achieve this balance. The wafts of patchouli that emanate from their B.O. ridden bodies are the icing on the cake. Just writing about it brings me back to that place. It is a dark place. You get the picture?

My main criticism of Hempfest would be that it was very counter-cultural. It gives the impression that the only people who smoke weed, or want to legalize and regulate it for recreational use, are stank ass hippie-motherfucken reggae enthusiasts. Clearly this is not the case, but you wouldn't know any better by attending Hempfest. If you want any sort of political change, throw up a couple of cool ass- partying lawyers and a red-eyed city council member. If you make them feel welcome, they'll come. Seriously, it's Seattle.

I was struck with the absurdity of having a festival around an agricultural phenomenon that the country considers an illegal drug. Everyone knows what you do at Hempfest, there are thousands of people there, and the police are brushing up alongside you trying to get through the crowd. It seems that something in our law needs to change to reflect public opinion and behavior. How are you going to house all these people in a holding cell? And the smell. Oh, God.

Hempfest was an experience that I'm glad I had. I won't need to go next year.

Mob Rule

The new Republican strategy is out: try to dominate the health care debate by yelling at the top of your lungs at public town hall meetings. The more disruptive, the better. During the August recess, most Congressmen have traveled back to their home districts in order to meet with their constituents regarding the legislative agenda. Many of them have been confronted by radical conservatives that are convinced that Obama's plan is to kill all the old people and institute policies of 1930s Germany.

Republican leaders, both of the elected and talk-show variety, are fueling the flames of this insanity, and encouraging civil disorder and mob rule at these town hall meetings. They are counting on the xenophobia of their base to excite disruption and ensure that health care reform fails. Rush Limbaugh, on his website, compared the symbol the Obama administration has created for health care reform with the symbol of the SS officers in Nazi Germany. The message is clear: Obama is Hitler, and he must be stopped.

It does not surprise me that the Republicans are resorting to fear to shut down intelligent debate. They have been using this MO for decades in the 'war' on drugs, the 'war' against gay marriage, the real war in Iraq, the 'war' against Clinton fellatio, and many other manufactured threats. Fear is how they win elections and how they attack their opponents. It replaces actual ideas, which are lacking in their party right now. What I do find appalling is with how little is required for them to compare our president to Hitler.

Obama's been in office for eight months and is working aggressively to promote his health care agenda. His views on health care, and his desire to succeed at reform, were not a secret when he was running for office. He talked extensively about health care on the campaign trial last year. The American people went to the polls in November and elected him. They wanted a president that would tackle the health care industry. That's what he is doing. It's not a surprise, yet somehow Republicans seem very taken aback.

It is OK to disagree with the President. It is OK to speak out against governmental policies that you don't like. But for conservatives to encourage uncivil disruption at forums meant to share and discuss information is wholly un-American. Our founding father's did not risk their lives to form this country so that crazy people could shout down their elected leaders at town hall meetings. It is a disgrace to democracy. These people are the same ones who told liberals to leave the country when they were opposed to the war in Iraq. Their rhetoric on almost every issue, even when they enjoyed political power, is unwavering stubbornness. Their speech is constantly hateful, unhelpful, and appeals to the base of our reptilian brains. Perhaps the scariest part is that they actually believe their own fabrications.

Is this what we have to look forward to for the next three and a half years? Let's hope not. Intelligent Republicans, take your party back from the fringe whack jobs, and offer your solutions to reforming health care. Debate is welcome, but fear and intimidation is getting tired in the face of a problem that needs real solutions.

The 'F' Word

The past few days have been an interesting display of the uglier side of human nature, of our primal urge to separate ourselves from that which is different. As a gay man living in Seattle, Washington, I rarely encounter intolerance to my natural persuasion. Us gays have a thriving community here that supports each other, and plenty of establishments to patron that we're sure to see other gay people, being gay, and not giving a shit.

I have been living in Seattle just a few days shy of a year. During that time, I have been so thankful for the gay community here as I think back to where I moved from a year ago. Deep east Texas. Not bad people, but just not quite on board yet. I knew that I was not going to able to have there what I have discovered in Seattle. In the South, the word "faggot" carries with it a harsh sting, but it's a word that you almost expect to hear of out someone at some point. It is the cost of living as an openly gay person in the Bible belt. Groups come to protest on your street with signs that declare God's hatred for faggots, and other Christian groups gently distant themselves from the more abrasive elements of the protester's message and look the other way. It's how the game is played.

In Seattle, you will get your face clubbed in with a queen's four inch heal for that kind of language. The threat of such a fate keeps utterance of that word to a bare minimum. Which makes it that much more caustic when you hear it.

Last Tuesday, while on our way to a birthday dinner for a friend, Kevin and I were strolling down the street in Belltown holding hands. The day was hot, and many people were outside to escape the heat of their high rise apartments. We were passed by a portly blonde with a spaghetti strap dress and a $4000 pair of cleavage, clutching a man's arm twice her age.

"Are you guys faggots?" her cracked out voice shrilled.

My reaction, having been seasoned in the South, was to ignore the apparent idiocy of the person. Kevin had a different reaction. Being from the Northwest, the word produced a snappy comeback about her retail breasts and need for another dye job. I realized that I was perhaps too passive about my willingness to except the outburst as something that comes with territory of walking around town, being who you are. I simply did not even want to dignify her insult with a response.

A few days later, I was coming home from a party in the wee hours of the morning, and stopped at a light. Next to me were a bunch of fratberries and their girlfriends, most likely coming back from a night of clubbing in Pioneer Square. "Hey, faggot," one of them said, as he rolled down the window to taunt me while I was next to him on the scooter.

Now, I will readily admit that the scooter is a little bit gay. I probably look a little bit gay while I'm scooting around on it, and you know what, I am a little bit gay. But the insult, coming from someone who had clearly had enough to drink, brought me back to South. It reminded me of how common the caricature of this guy is down there. And apparently they are migrating. Again, my response was to ignore this guy, as his girlfriend chided him from the backseat to shut his bigot mouth. Ah, straight girls, how do you deal?

The two incidents, occurring so closely together, were coupled by a third this week when I received an email from an acquaintance from high school. It was simply the most recent in a handful of emails that I have received from a person from my past that has discovered that I'm openly gay through Facebook. Social networking sites are splendid for a variety of things, but one of the more bizarre traits of such sites in the way in emboldens people you have not heard from in ten years to suddenly email you about how "deeply saddened" they are about your "lifestyle," as though your life is so much different from theirs. Just because I have "chosen to be gay" it is not going to stop them from praying for me. To date I have received about five or six such responses, spread out over the two years since coming out.

While the language of the email was in no way as offensive as the previous interactions I have described, the underlying cause of the interaction is the same. There is still a large portion of the population that thinks that homosexuality is some sort of offense against God; an unnatural inclination. Those who hold such views, and mistake the writings of fallible humans as holy words, offer their God up in service of bigots and homophobes. They also feel emboldened to speak into someone's life regarding a subject they don't really know about. All the while forgetting that they are proselytizing someone with rot iron fortitude, fashioned by years of internal dissonance that comes from being gay in a fundamentalist world. But, like their Lord himself once said, "they know not what they do."

I would love to find some sort of gateway between these two worlds. My old one and my new one. But, when confronted by someone with a drive-by evangelistic mentality, it leaves very little option. They tell you things you already know, as though they forgot how trained in the faith you were as well. It is disappointing, because when I have these experiences I am reminded of how far we have yet to go.

On the upside, the progress that gay people have made in such a short time against thousands of years of collective oppression is nothing short of amazing. The fact that I can live my life the way that I want, openly and without shame, is not a reality that I take for granted. Getting called a "faggot" by crack whores is an easy price to pay.

My gratitude goes to those who have come before me. To the Harvey Milk's, the Ellen's, the Stonewallers. They took a stand when it was not popular and paid a very real price for their resistance. Thank you for your bravery and vision of a world that would someday accept you as equals. It's coming.

Farewell, Sarah

Kevin and I settled in last night to watch Sarah Palin's Farewell Address from Fairbanks, Alaska. It has been 10 months since she first graced us with her appearance on the national stage as John McCain's running mate. And she had a nice run of it. She brought more attention to Alaska and the inner workings of her government then she knew what to do with, and had a mastery of foreign and domestic policy that left something to be desired. But, God is she hot. I mean, look at that picture. She's a fox who hunts moose. The words that come out of her mouth might not be smart, but I'll be damned if their not pretty. She's every Republican man's fantasy personified.

Last night's address was an interesting recipe of Alaska state politics with a dash of rhetorical chiding for the national media and their inability to understand her. Why can't you see how brilliant I am, she cried before an adoring crowd. She played the valiant martyr willing to crucify her governorship so that she and her followers might achieve greater glory in post-Palin Alaska. She has other sheep in other pastures, as it were.

While she is talking, you almost get lost in what she's saying. She's breaking up with you, but it's not you, it's her. She was not ready for a relationship. You're a great guy, Alaska, and you'll meet someone else someday. She's gotta go to save you from how rich and famous she's about to become. Now that she's not tied down with you, she'll have so much more time to find herself. And you know she's right; it has gotten tiresome dating the most popular cheerleader at school.

I thought it would be fitting to leave you with some memorable quotes that Sarah has left us with in her brief time in the public eye. Sarah, we know you ain't goin' away, gurl...but here's your tribute for life in public office.

-"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border."- Sept 24, 2008

-"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." -October 5, 2008

--"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?"- July 2008, short months before excepting the VP spot on the Republican ticket.

-"[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." - October 21, 2008, incorrectly answering the question she herself had asked a few months prior.

-"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't." -Palin's response to a City Council Member who complained that she was outside her authority to spend $50,000 renovating the mayoral office.

-"I don't know if you're going to use the word 'terrorist' there." - October 23, 2008, when she was asked if those that bomb abortion clinics are terrorists.

-"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ...We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." -October 16, 2008

-"I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also."-explaining to us all why she would not be answering the questions at the vice presidential debate, October 2, 2008

Sarah, you have a way of leaving us perplexed. Certainly not politics-as-usual. We can only assume that Sarah will be rearing her head at Republican fundraiser dinners and co-hosting a show with Oprah Winfrey next time we she her. She's a fierce diva that deserves more than the governor's mansion can offer her. I can only hope they call the show "Paling around with Palin."

Sarah, you will be missed as an elected public official. It's not nearly as fun when some crazy Fox News host says these things. Your command of language was so Bushian, and your beauty was that of a thousand Carrie Prejean's.

The Doctor will see you now.

The health care debate is heating up. I must say that regardless of your position on this issue, it is a nice debate to be having for once. It's a break from the 'how much torture is too much' debate, or the 'I know the WMDs got around here somewhere' debate. It is a debate being lead by someone who can complete a sentence, and when Obama speaks about health care you get the feeling that he knows what he's saying. That in itself is a breath of fresh air. Also, it's about something that genuinely effects the quality of life for millions of Americans.

As one of the 40 million uninsured in this country, I have been following the debate with a degree of interest. The single payer system, which is used across much of Europe and Canada, seems to be off the table at this point. The private insurance companies simply have too much power in Washington, D.C. and those in Congress are too cowardice to bite the hand that feeds them. So what will most likely happen is we will get a bill that props up the private insurance companies by subsidizing policies for those that cannot afford it on their own. The insurance companies win and we will continue to waste billions of dollars in administrative costs. Even those insured will be at the mercy of what their insurance company will decide to cover.

This is not actual health care reform. It might be considered health care 'improvement'. A single payer system, where everyone pays to a single entity, usually the government, for a standard of health care, is what we need in this country. That is actual reform that would cover everyone. You get sick, you go to the doctor, you get your prescription, it costs you nothing above what you have already paid in taxes, and you go home. Is it socialized medicine? Yep. It is. Just like our socialized education system, police forces, public transportation systems, and postal service.

The larger question posed in this health care debate is whether or not a basic standard of health care is a right that comes with being an American citizen. At some point in history we as a people decided that education fell into this category. President Carter created the Department of Education to help regulate the basic standard of education that every child, even those of undocumented immigrants, would receive. Not every public school is up to the same standard and our education system has its share of problems, but every child has access to a teacher and a classroom. They can learn to read and write and think for themselves.

Imagine if you will what our country would look like if you had to purchase private insurance so that your child could go to school. It would insure generational poverty and create a caste system that would manifest all sorts of social issues between classes. Your parent's can't pay now, then you miss out the foundational building blocks of success that could help you rise above your situation in the future. This is what our health care system looks like from my perspective at the bottom.

All this talk of reform, however, has awakened the conservative scare machine. They have taken a momentary break from eating Sarah Palin's pussy to paint for us the horrific picture of what an America with a single payer health care system would look like. I find it hard to believe that anyone listens to these guys anymore, but apparently their message of fear still resonates with many people. There is no example of health care tales gone wrong in other countries that they have not incorporated into their talking points. "A guy I know in Canada had to wait two months for gall bladder surgery," they say. "He almost died." Well, that may be true, but 40 million of us in this country are not going to be having any gall bladder surgery, and we might actually die.

Even with a single payer system that covers every American, private health insurance is not going away. This is the other big conservative lie. They claim that it will stifle competition in the industry and hand us and our health over to the evil government. What they fail to mention is that there are plenty of private companies that compete just fine with the U.S. government. Take UPS, FedEx, private schools, taxi cabs, and a wide variety of security services that successfully compete with their 'socialized' counterparts as some examples. There will always be the wealthy that will purchase their own insurance to received this, that, or the other service not covered in the public plan. And there will be plenty of private insurance companies happy to take their money and provide them coverage for their boob job, chin lift, late term abortion, and lasik eye surgery.

I guess as a person that currently does not have access to health care through no fault of my own, I tire of these Republican talking points. They see Obama's commitment to reforming health care as an Achilles heal they can attempt to exploit. Senator Jim DeMint, a Republican from the south, said last week that "If we are able to stop Obama on this...it will break him." And that about sums up the debate. While Obama works diligently to bring the type of reform the American people voted for last year, the Republicans are going to do their best to stand in the way, make him look unable to lead in this arena, and then use it against him three years from now. This is not a debate about which reform is best. It is between doing something and doing nothing. If I am wrong in understanding the dialogue this way it is because the Republicans are not letting the American people in on their excellent ideas to reform the health care system. I can only assume it's because they don't have any.

Whether or not you agree wholeheartedly with any of the bills that are making their way through Congress at the moment, I have to hand it to the president for placing health care reform at the top of his domestic agenda. He has learned from the mistakes of the failed attempt in 1993, and has a comfortable relationship with our Democratic congress. And maybe....just maybe, I'll be able to go to the doctor some day. What a thought.

Fuck you, I'm hot.

There is a drag queen living inside of me. I've known this for quite a while. She first appeared when I was about five years old, just about the time I discovered the four inch red pumps in the dress up box at my grandparents house. I would put those shoes on and this fierce diva would emerge. I gave face, face, face. I would sashay, turn, and chantey. Usually I was Dorthy Gale from the Wizard of Oz, but occasionally, particularly around Christmas time, I was the Virgin Mary. And I was fucking five.

On New Year's Eve this year, I had a very interesting text message interaction from someone who clearly had the wrong number. We'll call her Shameka.

Shameka: Hey Cochina! Whatcho wearing tonight, girl?

Now, at this point, I had a choice. I could choose not to respond, or to inform Shameka that she has the wrong number. Or I could do this:

Me (as Cochina, my inner queen): Oh girl, you know I have to wear those hooker boots I got on clearance and that skirt from Nordstrom Rack that makes my ass sing.

Shameka: So, u saying that I should dress up 2, grl. I just don't no what 2 wear.

Cochina: Please girl, you always look hott. Can't wait to see how sexy we are tonight.

Shameka: I guess I can wear that black dress with the half calf heels.

Cochina: Meow... work it.

Shameka: Oh, now I'm excited! Can't wait 4 the party tonight!

Cochina: Me neither, diva. C U soon!

I thought that I would get another text message within an hour or so from Shameka that inquired who was at the other end of this phone number...but I never did. But that night I was reunited with my inner drag queen. The thought of strutting my curvaceous ass covered in thin, black material around a room kind of excited me. All the boys drooling over my heaving tits that were just half a size too large for the halter top I was wearing, made me smile. Oops, my nipple just popped out. I'm so naughty...Are you here to give me some discipline?

Over the years you lose touch with your inner drag queen. She recedes under the pressure of social acceptance. It's cute when you're five and really faggy when you're thirteen. However, Kevin and I have recently been making our way through RuPaul's Drag Race. It's a combination of America's Next Top Model and Project Runway for drag queens on the LOGO channel. And it doesn't get any more fabulous than this.

The show started out with nine drag queen superstar wannabes and each week Ru, in all her wisdom, would demand that the weakest queen "sashay away." As the competition got tougher and the number of queens were whittled down, I was increasingly impressed by the genuine talent that these girls displayed. Most bio-girls would be at a loss to keep up with these ladies.

The show was actually giving me insight into the drag community and breeding in me an understanding of what they do and the role that they play in the larger picture of queer culture. It was about week four that I had a huge realization: These men, who live quite happily as men in every other aspect of their lives, are doing what every gay kid did when they were five. The natural draw to be a superfierce diva has turned into a career for these guys, and many of them have had to endure a lot of ridicule to achieve the level of performance they have.

Some of the girls are more believable than others, but that's where the fun begins. The genderqueer, androgynous queens that blur the line between masculine and feminine have a lot to teach us about ourselves. They show us how razor thin many of those lines are and are brave enough to throw on some heels, makeup and a dress that somehow conceals the roll of quarters they're smothering between their legs, just to give a hearty "Fuck you" to the status quo. Fuck you for saying I can't, fuck you for making me feel less than, fuck you for calling me a fag, and most importantly fuck me because, bitch, I'm hot.

I may be shaving my legs this Halloween. Cochina likes them smooth.