The Ex Gays And Their Ministry

Let’s talk a little bit about ex-gay ministries, shall we? They have undergone an reformation recently, as they scamper to appear more tolerant during a time when public opinion and science moves away from them.

For those in the church that have never been touched by the issue of homosexuality, either because you are not one or a close friend or family member is not one, this branch of your religion probably goes mostly unnoticed. You may be only vaguely aware that such programs exist through such non-profit arms as Focus on the Family and Exodus International. There are also regional campaigns run by local churches, all with the same stated goal of curing people of “unwanted homosexual desires." It's foundation is propped up on a fundamental untruth.

This untruth, of course, is that people can and should seek to change their sexual orientation. This is simply not the case, and there are plenty of reputable studies to suggest as much. For a person who has not been touched by the issue of homosexuality, it’s an untruth without any consequences. It really doesn’t matter to their life whether a homosexual can become straight through religious therapy. It’s an easy thing to support because it comes at no cost and requires no thought. But for those who have been made to feel inferior by the constant repetition that their sexual orientation is evil, wrong, dirty, and shameful the consequences are great.

Much attention has been paid recently to the suicide of gay teenagers as a result of bullying in school, but this phenomenon is nothing new. For years, anti-gay activists have toted the suicide rates among gay teens as an indication that a “homosexual lifestyle” is innately depressing or damaging to a young person’s psyche. There is something below the belt about using statistics that you helped create to support the lie you are telling to being with. It’s a statement rambled off by ex-gay leaders and consumed by those that don’t really give it much thought. This covers the ex-gay ministries in a shroud of false legitimacy and gives them the appearance of being culturally relevant.

In an effort of reform their image, these gay ministries are no longer advertising toward the parents of a gay teenager promising that he can change but are now marketing themselves as seekers of those that wish to “rid themselves of their homosexual desires.” Their promotional videos interview men that are “thrilled with the results” and “are excited to start their journey to recovery” from their unwanted homosexual desires. Most of these men are middle aged, and have likely been through similar forms of therapy many times in their lives. They have probably spent a lot of emotional and financial resources on this issue and are getting really desperate for a solution. When pressed on the authenticity of their practices, ex-gay groups hide behind the fact that their mission statement specifically states that they help people with unwanted homosexuality. One always wants what he can’t have, or unwants it as the case may be.

My mother asked me a few years back if I had ever contemplated suicide growing up. I could tell through the phone that she was softly crying, having just returned from a funeral for a friend’s teenage son. For many years in her world, and in the world of most conservative Christians, the gay lifestyle is described as a sad, lonely, depressing existence. It’s what they are told from their leadership because the existence of homosexuality as a naturally occurring orientation flies in the face of the some other “truths” the church has regarding marriage and gender roles. It chips away at their authority and the authenticity of their holy book(s). Historically, saying that homosexuality is normal and OK is like suggesting that the earth revolves around the sun, or that celestial objects like the moon are riddled with craters and therefore imperfect. Ex-gay ministries are a modern day extension of religion’s innate difficulty with change. With any luck, soon enough there won’t be any more men reaching middle age in need of their services. And that can be accomplished by just speaking the truth.