Another One Rides the Bus

In 1979, my parents had just married. The Soviet Union had just invaded Afghanistan. Jimmy Carter was president. Margaret Thatcher had just become the first female Prime Minister of Great Britain. And the rock band Queen had just recorded their hit single "Another One Bites the Dust."

At the time my mother's former college roommate, who I grew up knowing as a friend of the family, was convinced that the lyrics were "Another One Rides the Bus." This fact I do not believe she has ever fully been able to live down. However, if it had been the name of the song, I would have been the inspiration.

Since moving to Seattle I no longer own a vehicle and I ride the bus on a daily basis. I have been all over the city on various buses at all hours of the day and night. Public transportation sounds very hip and environmental conscious. People who drive cars always talk about how they should take the bus to work, if only the public transit systems were better. Well, in Seattle it is pretty damn good. It does not run on time, but it runs frequently and all over town. Regardless of how efficient a public transit system is however, there are some things that just come with the territory when it comes to riding the bus.

There are three main things that can make or break your bus experience on any given day.

1) The individual riders that are sharing the bus with you.
2) The time of day.
3) The neighborhood you happen to be in or going to.

Let's go through each one, shall we.

First, the people that are on the bus with you can make all the difference as to what the next thirty minutes of your life are going to be like while you get your ass downtown.

I am absolutely floored by the number of people that do not wear deodorant and seem to be completely unaware of the fact that they should. In fact, that it was invented for people just like them. I have been guilty of leaving the house in the morning without slapping it on, but this happens very rarely and is always an oversight. I am very self aware when it come to the fragrance that I am exuding out into the world, but I believe this to be a quality that is not shared equally amongst my fellow human beings.

A crowded bus just has that smell. It is hard to pinpoint exactly, but every one's body odor is a little different. When it mixes all together it creates a smorgasbord of musk that hits you like a ton of bricks. This generally only happens when it is raining and every window in the bus is closed. The very best way of dealing with this is to commence mouth breathing. In and out, in and out.

Also, almost without fail an inebriated person will get on the bus. It's two in afternoon. You can only pray that the only empty seat is not next to yours. This person will talk to you. Or slur to you, rather. At two in the afternoon I am not in the mood to put up with this shit, but you just have to turn your ipod up and bury your head a little deeper in your book. That is what you see a lot on the bus: people making a very concerted effort to make it very clear that they are not open to conversation. The first few days I took the bus I thought this was a bit closed off, even rude. After a month, you understand. Because it is never the pleasant people that will try to strike up a conversation. It's the pre-happy hour drunks.

Which brings me to point number two. It's all in the time of day. I do not mind talking to drunks when I am also drunk, coming home from the bar at one in the morning. They're your peeps, your homeys, and it is an appropriate time to be drunk. Context. Its all about context. The bus drivers are also a bit more inclined to help their passengers during the wee hours of the morning by making the regularly scheduled announcements telling you which stop you are at and which connecting buses come to the same location. There is a real camaraderie on the bus at one in the morning. It's beautiful and it makes you believe that there is hope for humanity. That someday we really will all live in harmony, if only we could all be simultaneously shitfaced on Northwestern microbrew.

Point number three in predicting the quality of bus riding experience you will have has to do with the neighborhoods you will be traveling through. Capitol Hill at 9pm on a weekend is thus far my personal favorite. Capitol Hill is the gayborhood of Seattle, and is much larger and much more diverse than any gayborhood in any other major city I have been to, save San Fran. Around 9pm on the weekend the drag queens, on the way to their shows or just to support the team, begin getting on the 49 bus down Broadway Ave. Some have their face painted up in an extravagant display. Some have their scarfs just so place to hide their protruding Adam's apple. On comes a bear, off comes a twink. The picture is not strange to anyone else except the white boy from Texas.

Downtown, for about 20 square blocks, there is a "free ride area." Now the bus only costs $1.50 round trip, and even less if you have a prepaid card, so I would say that a free ride area is largely unnecessary. But it is there, just in case. The City of Seattle most likely intended it for tourists, and as long as you stay close to the water that is generally what you will find. Husbands and wives arguing about which stop will get them closer to the Space Needle. Knowing the wife has it right, but also knowing better than to get involved.

I think that they should rename this area the "homeless ride area." The panhandlers go from one end of the free ride area, work their way to the other end, and then catch the free bus. It really is the perfect gig. Unlike in other cities that I have been to, the homeless here are really very sweet, well meaning people. They will ask you for money, you will tell them no, and then you can have a fairly descent conversation with them. Very meek, very humble. The State of Washington within the last 10 years cut many public mental health benefits, and as a result there was an immediate increase in the homeless population in Seattle. This is what happens when Republicans are in power. It comes with the territory.

Riding the bus is an exhilarating experience. I wake up every day and think, "I wonder what crazy characters I am going to come into contact with today." Because you will, and I do. Everyone here, at some time or another and with varying degrees of pleasure, rides the bus. It is part of the culture, but that means it involves EVERYONE. And, as we know, not all people get along, or want to be in a closely confined vehicle with Jim Beam at two in the afternoon. Perhaps Freddie Mercury was a musical genius of our time, but he could have had one more hit had he only written a song about all the people on the bus.